There are so many complications associated with being an adult: money, sex, lies, responsibility, difficult decisions, consequence and the millions of possible interactions we can have with others on a daily basis. Usually i sit, smoke, ponder and feel sorry for myself, ensuring that no action will be taken (either positive or negative). This isn't living life! Sometimes i feel like i'm wasting time, patting myself on the back for things i've thought of, but haven't set in motion or even attempted to accomplish. I tell myself all the great things I can, or would do for the Princess and myself, yet nothing ever gets done.
So how do we break the cycle of trapt thoughts and physical inaction? I recently thought that developing ourselves strengthens those around us. Whichever pattern we are stuck in, it takes a strong mind and body to mold ourselves into who we want to be. This may be an excuse to be completely selfish, but i'm starting to believe that the best thing you can give your family is a strong you! Sure we hand out electronic toys, food, cards and other things that demonstrate a positive thought or action... but wouldn't it be much more meaningful to be an unwavering pillar of support in someone's life. I don't currently exhibit these traits for anyone or even myself, but it's a good thought :) everything starts with a thought tho right?
How good would it feel to know that people had absolute trust and faith in you for something? anything... if i was a good fisherman and everyone looked up to me to learn how to fish, i would feel more responsibility in having to teach.. at the same time, b/c i had invested time in (selfishly) developing my own skill, i could now offer others life-long teachings that may feed them one day.
I'm conflicted with this notion. Unsure if it is an excuse or a legitimate path to unselfish righteousness.. currently leaning towards legitimate, because the individual ultimately decides on their level of happiness, not the environment. So what am i doing to become more content? more excited about life? what am i doing to make my life instead of hate it? well, not very much!
however, here are some things that i hope to hold myself accountable to:
- reward myself with sleeve tattoo after reaching 200lbs
- establish a daily workout routine
- establish a daily eating routine
- document my progress
no good conclusion to this writing as the process in ongoing..
What a total glob of Mental Mastrubation. Of total Avoidance of your real genetic and historical past. Of....Old family notebooks, photos, furniture, clocks, values. Nah...You LIVE in a PC, VR re imagining of your childhood. Blocking out your real, genetic family. Like Caitlin ? Why ? Because she expressed an opinion you didnt agree with ? How Cult-Like is that ? How weak ? How fake ? You are Sooooo Muccchhhhh your Mothers child, bro. And you know nothing of her, and thus...nothing of yourself. Truly a Lost Soul.Pure Sociopath. Ask Zac. Ask Beverly. Ask C. And ya know what, I will / do respect ya for being fully independent from me from age 21...from the time you lied to me about Chabot.... But for NOTHING more than that. Absolutely nothing past that point. Although I pretended to. As did you. You live in a VR world, and it cannot stand. IMHO you have not made one independent and correct, well thought out and well reasoned, manly, autonomous decision in your entire life. The ONLY times you have gotten ahead ......is when the USAF or me,or Yaz, or your paid for walkabout, or someone, has told ya what to do. Your personal decisions have been a lengthy string of disasters. 2 decades worth. So, you now have a life trainer / manager...and you are their mule. This used to piss me off. Now I see it as inevitable. Ya BOTH have found what ya were looking for. Saved me a LOT of money and drama. But, yes...this still hurts me to my soul.As I hope it does yours. But ya know, Ian San, I really doubt that ya have one.Deb most certainly did not. Jus sayin.
ReplyDeleteThis was just posted about Trump...but...if the shoe fits...And yeah, CEO, you will censor this and Ian will never see it...Gotcha. The old Scientology Approach...By the Book Cultism..................................................................................................................................................................................An exaggerated sense of self-importance. An unwarranted belief in your own superiority. A preoccupation with fantasies of your own success, power and brilliance. A craving for constant admiration. A consuming sense of entitlement. An expectation of special favors and unquestioning compliance.
ReplyDeleteA penchant for exploiting or disparaging others. A total inability to recognize the needs of anyone else. An incapacity to see those you meet as separate human beings. An unreasoning fury at people you perceive as thwarting your wishes or desires. A tendency to act on impulse. A superficial charm deployed to disguise a gift for manipulation.
A need to always be right. A refusal to acknowledge error. An inability to tolerate criticism or critics. A compulsion to conform your ever - shifting sense of “reality” to satisfy your inner requirements . A tendency to lie so frequently and routinely that objective truth loses all meaning.
A belief that you are above the rules. An array of inconsistent statements and behaviors driven by your needs in the moment. An inability to assess the consequences of your actions in new or complex situations. In sum, a total incapacity to separate the world from your own psychodrama.