i don't think i would be a fit parent. i've heard that i'm good with children, but maybe i just tell myself that.. or elicit that opinion from others b/c i'm really not a prime candidate. i've had the occasion to be around kids (as an adult). the earliest instance i can remember was dating "sarah" who had a 3 year old girl. i remember most actions that would be classified as parental seemed natural. we played games, watched videos (the same barney VHS over and over.. ad nauseam!), but i don't remember being irritated or angry. then again, i was only part of sarah's life for a short time, maybe 6-8 months before we went our separate ways.
I remember another time "lindsey" (sarah's daughter) hit her mom in the face (not hard at all by the way, but enough of a sound was made to be shocking). Sarah was a very relaxed person, almost motionless at times, and didn't do anything about said face-slappery. For some reason I took matters into my own hands (no slaps or anything of the sort) and took Lindsey to the corner, which she refused to stay in. So I stood there with her, almost in some menacing way now that i think about it (maybe it's just that we seem so much taller as adults).. until Lindsey agreed to apologize to her mom. this occurred fairly quickly, approximately 5 minutes.. and some crying was involved upon realization that the corner was a quasi-permanent residence. When she came back from her time served where the walls meet, she kissed her mom and said sorry. This seems like a normal parental thing to do right? but i'm still not sure. I was proud for a while, (both of my action and Lindsey's sincerity in her apology) but what if Lindsey has nightmares of being in the corner, hovered over by her 'parental figure'. I don't know what is right really.. other people's lives are too delicate, even as adults, for me to say with any certainty that "i know what is best for a person".. but don't parental-people have to be unwavering? surely they can't always be right! The fresh prince has extrapolated that rearers of children "just don't understand".. i want to understand! furthermore what if being a parent means losing your "cool"? being made fun of by children doesn't sound fun.. erf, tangent..
I think that i was raised with a good structure of activity that helps me today. I learned to draw, paint, build things and some forms of physical activity (ie. throwing a football, martial arts and music). however, what i did not learn, or at least did not choose to absorb or retain, was the ability to love another person more than myself. How do you teach that? or can it even be learned? I wouldn't want the shame of not communicating this ability to the next generation, hence my doubts regarding the worthiness of parentilitude. Is anyone ever really ready for this responsibility? do we honestly consider what it means to bring another life into the world? People are completely dependent on their parents for the better part of 2 decades. (sometimes 3 in europe!) Is that a thought that prospective mothers and fathers have before they.. well you know. hehe or do we just follow our instincts and trust that we'll know what to do when we get there?
sometimes it seems i over-analyze.. but what is action without thought? meaningless or instinctual? prophetic, predestined, pre-programmed or maybe it's chance plus environmental factors? Each person born deserves the best environment possible. Yet i've heard stories of people living in shoes.. apparently until their old. does this suggest that any environment can sustain life? Another skepticism of mine: i'm not sure that i can provide the correct environment that a child deserves. The nature of my job and dynamic of the households i've been a part of usually haven't been conducive to a healthy learning environment. Though i've been trained on how to be organized in life and in possessions, i continue to lead a trashy existence in which i don't value the things around me. For example, i've let my guard down to intruding roaches who fueled an entire scorpion and spider revolution! We are still at war with the nasty buggers, but even one of these might be enough to endanger a small life.
Anyways, it's not always the material world that is worrisome.. most of that stuff can be fixed with logic and dedication. I just had the thought today: what is a good parent and when/how do you know if you are actually prepared to accept the greatest responsibility of all...?
No comments:
Post a Comment