The internal conflict of thought wages on. Yin + Yang particulates have settled in the swirling waters of my brain, solidifying two distinct and opposing islands of truth. Both are right, both are wrong. Both 100% me, yet in competition for conscious thought. Neither yields nor advances thru my mind's eye to reality. I can't determine if residence at either place would unbalance an ecosystem, so I spend most of my time traveling between the islands. Each is inviting and offers sanctuary. Each is scary and confusing. I want someone with me, so I condemn yet another traveler to this purgatorial vacation. Failed "saintly" intercessions convince me that the the heavens are writing to me in nimbus, offering reasons to be here or there. Unsure if I'm hallucianting or not, I find myself talking to the floating, wind-washed formations.. questioning them, yelling frustrations at them.. and then feeling like an idiot afterwards. I am no closer to understanding by doing any of these things, i think? Furthermore, why would I assume my plight has any affect on the structure of the world. I am an ant! Nature is so beautiful in its complexity, but my inability to listen to the earth makes me unworthy, as I do not contribute.
For most of life I've considered "logic over faith" a pillar of correct decision-making. However, my personal convictions have never been strong enough to anchor an unbreakable chain of logic to. So I live in the boat. Sea life isn't entirely bad. The ocean provides food and fresh water is abundant on either island. I never stay long on land, but make time to collect enough resources to sustain another trip. I wonder if others live this way? Maybe some prefer travel over fighting against nature to carve out a home in a wild environment?
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the island of Yin (to be continued)..
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